I have a confession. No, I haven't killed anyone and buried them in the Victory Bog, nor have I stolen anything of value. My guilty confession, the thing that weighs on my mind day and night (well, OK..not really..but for dramatics sake lets just say that ) is that...are you ready? brace yourself...I drive my kids to school in my Pj's. I know. You're shocked, I can tell. There is part of me that is shocked too, and I've been doing it for years! Its a strange thing for me to conceive really, when I was younger I was one of those people who hopped out of bed and directly into the shower, and I adamantly refused to leave the house without make up or my hair done. There is still part of me that when I see people like that is envious..that they can get up and get their acts together without one drop of coffee...or 5 minutes of quiet reflection time (OK..really that means 5 minutes of wiping the sleep boogers out of my eyes and trying to get them to focus..on something...anything...). OK..really I'm envious because if they get pulled over on the way to wherever they're going in the morning, work, dropping kids off at school, wherever..they will be dressed and primped and done up and looking "normal" in societies terms. Whereas, I, on the other hand, would be sitting on the side of the road with a police officer looking in my window wondering why I still had slipper on..and, wait, are those flannel pj bottoms? and...oh my! I see a Pj top sticking out of that dreadful Mr. Rogers sweater...and, hey, what is up with that hair?!?!?
That scenario plays out in my head on every ride. Sometimes it plays out differently, there is an accident and I have to run out and check on the people involved with my flannel pj bottoms, slippers and my night gown flowing behind me. Other times my van simply breaks down and I have to walk to someones house and ask to use their phone..clad in my old ratty pajamas carrying my travel mug full of coffee. I doubt anyone would let me into their house, I'm sure they would think I was an escapee from some mental institution and call the police. And then we'd be back to Mr Police Officer, eyeing me up and down trying to decide what to do with me and whether I really was an escapee from LoopyLand. I imagine in the end it would go something like this:
"Ma'am, are you aware you're dressed in your sleepwear?"
"Yes sir, I am aware of that"
"Would you care to explain why you're out here dressed that way?"
"well, I could launch into several different explanations or excuses; the dog ate my jeans; I burned all my clothes in protest to the mounds of laundry at my house; my husband wont let me wear real clothes; but what it boils down to is this...I'm too lazy to get up at 4:30 in the morning to take a shower and get dressed in proper clothing"
"So, what you're telling me (trying not to break out laughing), is that you drive your kids to school in your sleepwear (have you ever noticed authority figures have to use technical terms for things?) everyday because you don't want to get up a couple of hours early?"
"yes sir, that's exactly what I'm telling you"
At which point he would let me go or give me a ride wherever (depending on the scenario) and then proceed to tell EVERYONE about the crazy lady from loonytown that drives her kids to school in her pjs because she's too lazy to get up and get dressed a couple of hours early. And, just because its Vermont and news is hard to come by, it would be in the police log the following week:
"On Tuesday, a Sutton woman was pulled over for speeding. She was fined $125 and, oh! she was driving her kids to school wearing her pajamas! The officer let it slide when it was determined that her fuzzy slippers wouldn't inhibit her driving ability. Driving children to school this way is NOT recommended"
One more reason to embrace homeschooling; proper clothes are optional. :-P