Monday, January 7, 2008

Yeah, I'm mad

The family meeting went well, better than expected really. I'm now in the process of making charts and schedules for chores and shower/bath times. Hopefully it will work the way its supposed to.

We had a meeting today for Tryphon and Zephryn and their IEP's. I think I'm going to use this as my personal bitch-about-the-system forum, I came away from that meeting so angry its been hard to shake. Let me start by saying that Zephryn, my middle son, has sensory issues...what those are or if there is a "label" (don't get me started on labeling) for it I couldn't tell you, there is much speculation but so far no one has pinpointed anything specific. I can say that as a baby the only way he was consolable was to wrap him as tight as you possibly could in a blanket...we called the method "the baby burrito"...I'm not sure child advocacy groups would like that term...but it worked. Back to what I was saying, Zephryn and his sensory issues...since going to this "special" school..for children with behavioral issues...they've had an occupational therapist working with him and its helped some..mostly what has helped is what we had been doing for him at home...things that I tried to tell Sutton school (the public school that sent him to this other school) to implement with touching him when he got upset, giving him plenty of time to run around and space to move, if he started to "shut down" give him time, don't get in his face, he tends to need time to process things...etc. Zephryn has been going to this other school for a year. he was sent there after he got angry and knocked a bunch of stuff in a class room around...and when he went off on a teacher (he was 7) for touching his younger sister. Also, his father had just gotten back from a year and a half in Iraq. There was a lot going on at home and at school for him. The principal assured my husband and I that he only expected Zep to be in this other school for maybe 6 weeks...after all..he wasn't "that bad" (this after me being very upset because this other school is where they send all the "bad" has a certain reputation and in a small hear things. even my friends husband who works in the state system told me after he found out where he had been placed to "get him the hell out of there". ) 8 weeks later at our very first meeting about Zep and his transition into this school, the teachers and administrators were saying "we don't see a lot of the problems that you're describing, and we'd like to start transitioning him back into the public school" that principal, sat right across from me and had the nerve to say "so soon? i was expecting him to be here longer than that, ill need time to get things together". That was not the first time he'd lied to me, there had been other things..nothing quite so blatant though. Its been downhill ever since. My oldest son, who had come to be a few times last year and said that a couple of boys in his class had been calling him names and picking on him. I, still believing that Sutton school had my child's best interest in mind, told him he should tell his teacher. after several times of him repeating this to me, i told him to tell his principal since the teacher wasn't doing anything. gradually i heard less about it, and summer vacation came. Tryphon was unusually quiet which i attributed to Zephryn being gone to summer camp through this other school he was attending. By the time School started, Tryphon was so upset and stressed I had a hard time getting him out of the car to go to school. He refused to go into the classroom and was begging us to move or put him in foster care so he didn't have to go to that school anymore. Come to find out, the year before he had spent at least one day a week with the school disciplinarian. School rules state that if a kid goes there, the parents must be notified. I never was. I had no idea that things were going that badly for him at school. Tryphon has always been the laid back kid, the one that jumps out of the car and goes and does what he's supposed to. This child that I have now, the one that cries at school daily because he misses me, the one that is scared of everything, i have no idea who he is. Third grade changed him, school traumatized him beyond recognition...and they take no responsibility. They think he made up the bullying. And now he the same school with his brother and the psychologist who did an analysis on him said in the last paragraph "special care should be taken with the younger sister as she may begin acting out to try and get into Cornerstone as some sort of right of passage". I feel as though our family has a huge bulls eye on us.
So now, Zephryn is going back to Sutton full time. They may be doing away with his para educator because of budget cuts and I'm sure things will fall back into the way it was...there seems to be no place in public schools for kids who are even a little bit different. Zephryns excels in math..or did. Because of all the things they "have" to touch on and learn,he's being held is the time they should be seeing how far his grasp of mathematics goes..instead..hes doing addition and subtraction at this public the private school..hes doing 3 digit multiplication without help. And i feel like I have no say in what goes on. I'm so fed up with school systems and people saying what I can and can't do with them...and most of all..I'm damn tired of driving my kids to 3 different schools (my oldest is in high school and has no license yet)! No busing!! ugh!!!!!!
At any rate...that principal...I LOATHE. I've never known that feeling before, and I hope to never know it consumes you. I really just want my kids out of that school. Either home schooled or in another school that listens to the parents.
And why did i come away from that meeting so angry? because I had to sit across from that man...and listen to the lies fall from his mouth...and feel completely and utterly helpless when it comes to what they plan on doing with MY children. When did we as a nation lose so much control over our own lives?

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