It was a bad morning. The kind of morning that really made me want to crawl back into bed and hide from the world. You know that feeling....when something leaves you completely drained and befuddled. I am at a complete loss as to what to do with my oldest son. I had to drag him from the van today into the school, and I don't mean a holding by the hand and leading kind of dragging..i mean having a hold of the front of his jacket and physically having to drag him across the parking lot to the building all while he was hitting me for all he was worth and screaming how he never wanted to come home again. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that wanted to comply with that demand. I can't not bring him to school, and I cant bear to see him do this every time I do.
Its time to start looking seriously at alternatives I suppose. Sticking him into an environment that upsets him to this degree can't be healthy. I know he can't stay with me forever, but in all honesty this child was never like this. He was the one that was always asking when school started, and would take off with barely a good-bye every morning. This behavior...I just don't know what is going on..and its breaking my heart.
Starting over with the basics may be the way to go, pull him out of school, home school him for a bit, and slowly introduce him into places hes comfortable, then add small snippets of places he's not as comfortable with until he's able to handle situations in a manner that is appropriate.
Its so hard, not knowing what is the right move. I'm so afraid I'll mess him up more whatever the decision.
I'm so tired of crying.