Tuesday, January 8, 2008

*Big Sigh*

It was a bad morning. The kind of morning that really made me want to crawl back into bed and hide from the world. You know that feeling....when something leaves you completely drained and befuddled. I am at a complete loss as to what to do with my oldest son. I had to drag him from the van today into the school, and I don't mean a holding by the hand and leading kind of dragging..i mean having a hold of the front of his jacket and physically having to drag him across the parking lot to the building all while he was hitting me for all he was worth and screaming how he never wanted to come home again. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that wanted to comply with that demand. I can't not bring him to school, and I cant bear to see him do this every time I do.

Its time to start looking seriously at alternatives I suppose. Sticking him into an environment that upsets him to this degree can't be healthy. I know he can't stay with me forever, but in all honesty this child was never like this. He was the one that was always asking when school started, and would take off with barely a good-bye every morning. This behavior...I just don't know what is going on..and its breaking my heart.

Starting over with the basics may be the way to go, pull him out of school, home school him for a bit, and slowly introduce him into places hes comfortable, then add small snippets of places he's not as comfortable with until he's able to handle situations in a manner that is appropriate.

Its so hard, not knowing what is the right move. I'm so afraid I'll mess him up more whatever the decision.

I'm so tired of crying.


Holly said...

Okay. I think you're family meeting nights are a wonderful idea. It's a chance to bring things out on the table and talk as a family to find solutions. Also, in the meeting, goods things should be talked about. Maybe each family member could thank another family member for something they did that week or compliment them. This teaches them to not always focus on what is wrong, but also what is good.
From what you describe, Tryphon is now acting like he did when he was being picked on in the other school. Is there something going on now in Cornerstone that makes him not want to be there? Are kids picking on him there? Just a thought. Obviously, something is keeping him from wanting to be at school. The trick is...what? Is is acting out because Zephryn has now been moved to the "normal" school? Maybe he feels like an outcast or upset that he is the only one going to the "special" school. Maybe at your family meetings, this could be brought up as well. "Tryphon, is there something bothering you at home or school that you would like to discuss?"
I really understand that it is breaking your heart. It would break mine too and this is a really tough situation. I don't think home schooling is the answer (and, I just think that in general) They need to be around other kids because I think this helps them learn more. Sutton school obviously needs an overhaul as well.
I don't know the answers, just trying to help. I agree..."big sigh".

Stace said...

I'm sure most of his acting out right now is because his security is gone (zeprhyn being fulltime in sutton). His therapist thinks that he has seperation anxiety (great, now I have a dog and a kid with that :-P lol) and is afraid if he's not with me something will happen. Im not convinced this is what it is. I think that he internalized so much for so long (mike being gone..he never said anyting about it..didnt even want to talk to him or about him at all...the bullying at school, the things going on with Zephryn etc) that he has no real idea why hes so afraid and upset and when the psych nurse first had her "meeting" with him..she said "i know it must be really hard leaving your mom..are you afraid something is going to happen to her?" and ever since then, thats what he's been saying.
As far as the homeschooling goes, it wouldnt be full time. ive been talking with a private tutor who is willing to take him 2 days a week to make sure academically he's where he needs to be (he's already slipping in math..and my concern is that if he continues to have these issues and spends his days stressd and unable to cope in the classroom setting...he'll learn nothing..and he's still not getting the socialazation he needs). That leaves 2 1/2 days of him being in a classroom where he can be with other kids. But again, if he's so upset and unable to be in that setting..what good does it do? All its doing is making him feel horrible about himself and again, hes learning nothing. If bringing him into someones house and having her work one on one with him about stuff he enjoys helps him like learning again, then thats half the battle.