Saturday, September 13, 2008

Farewell Cheddar..you will be missed

Our love affair began at a young age...me, a spoiled only child, you, creamy and lovely in all your guises..whether it be slices, bricks or shredded..I loved all the forms you took and relished every meeting we had and looked forward to our next tryst.
It went on for years. Me worshipping your smooth texture, knowing that wherever I needed you, you would add joy and liveliness, warmth and sustenance. I loved you so. In return I thought you loved me as well..and perhaps in the beginning you did..but then...something happened..I can't say when it all changed..all I know is that today..it is confirmed...after devouring Boursin cheese last night (oh..so wonderful spiced with garlic and herbs...I think I fell in love with you again after discovering this delightful piece of you) after a hiatus from your loveliness, you made it very clear that you no longer wanted me around. The noises that have been heard, rumbling and grumbling from my abdomen are frightening the children, and small animals are running from me in horror. The pain inflicted on my person is almost unbearable...why?? Oh why??? I thought we had a good thing...I thought we would be together forever..I am so hurt..so crushed.
I am at a loss as to what I did to deserve this treatment. I thought I had been good to you..true and loyal. Now I must come to terms with your cacophonous treatment of my entrails and move on from our turbulent relationship.
I know there will never be another like you...I know I will never find a suitable substitute for your rich consistency and superior taste...but move on I must...My family and I can take no more of your pungent issuance or arduous spasms. I must think of my children and the harm that may befall them if you stay. So farewell Cheddar, mozzarella, cream cheese, Munster, American, Swiss..and all of your other aliases. I have loved you...and I will always love you...but I can tolerate you no more. Farewell!

6 comments:

Teresa R said...

Are you lactose intolerant or is it something about cheddar and the way it's aged? Hope your stomach's better today.

Stace said...

I'm not sure..I can't do ice cream...and I knew that..but it used to be that cheese was ok...the Boursin was soft cheese..so cheddar might be ok...but who knows at this point..but i can definitely say that cheese does SOMETHING to my insides. I hate getting older :-P

Kimberly said...

My hubby lived in Wisconsin for a while when he was young. He loves cheese like a freak and would die if he had to go without it.

I am with you girl. I have been lactose intolerant since birth. Soy formula all the way! If I eat dairy now, I need to be staying home, close to the bathroom! LOL Not fun, but sometimes you just "gotta have it"!

Teresa R said...

I remember reading that cheese was generally ok for those with lactose intolerance, but I guess that's not flying with your body anymore. I'm so bummed for you! I know I'd hate having to give up cheese.

kristi said...

Stace,
thank you for stopping by....you have no idea how passionate I am about Vermont. If I had the money, I would move there in a heart beat. I was up in Bennington & Arlington last October for a week. Just a beautiful state!! My ex drives a super modified race car so I had to laugh when I saw your NASCAR pic!!! Can't wait to see the sheeps place!

Firefly mom said...

When I read the title of your post, I thought you had a pet named Cheddar who died!

Sorry for your cheese intolerance! After having had to cut out beef, fish, pork, and poultry because my body couldn't tolerate them, I can relate to your feelings of loss. Here's hoping that someday you'll grow to love soy-cheese pizza ;P