Monday, April 19, 2010

Birthday Wisdom

Today is my birthday. I am 39...one year away from the big 4-0 and in my mind the official beginning of middle age. As I have 39 years of wisdom and experience under my belt, I thought I'd dedicate this birthday blog post to imparting some of that wisdom to you, my beloved blog readers.
Here goes, just a few bits of "wisdom" from yours truly:

1. If you ever have the chance to partake mead, do not, I repeat do NOT drink it as fast or in the same quantity as you would beer or wine. It won't end well. I promise.

2. If your husband is going out of town, some appliance you need will break. It seems to be a law of nature, I don' t know why, and I certainly don't agree with it.

3. When moving a big appliance out of the house, by yourself, take extra care to lift with your legs and guard against pulling the major muscle in your butt. It makes sitting hard and explaining that you pulled your butt muscle to people who ask why you're limping is embarrassing.

4. If your young daughter shows interest in pageants....run....yes, its fun to dress them up and take pictures of them and do their hair. It is NOT fun, however, to add up the expenses that said pageants bring. You could be putting that money toward something useful....like pedicures and coffee.

5. Do not enter a feed store in the spring close to closing time and think you're only going to walk out with hay. Guaranteed you will end up with some sort of homeless poultry because "sucker" is tattooed firmly upon your forehead.....Oh..wait..maybe that's just me...:P

6. Never put white on a child under the age of 15. NEVER!

7. Make sure when leaving a boy at home alone you mention that climbing a tree when you're not home is probably a bad idea.

8. Cheap coffee doesn't wake you up as good as the freshly ground stuff.

9. When your bedroom is in the living room, it forces you to make your bed Every. Single. Day.
10. You can fit 18 bales of hay in the back of a mini van. Really.

11. There is never enough room in storage spaces for storage. NEVER.

12. Always kiss your children goodnight and tell them you love them....because you never know what they're going to try and pull the next day.

13. Hug your parents as often as you can...and apologize for every grey hair you ever gave them.

14. Be ware feeding sea gulls...they will shit in your eye.

15. Make sure your mouth guard is put somewhere the DOG CAN'T GET IT! Apparently they are considered to be doggy caviar.

16. Don't worry if the dishes aren't done....eventually someone else in the house will notice and do them. Ok..that is a lie...a bold faced lie. sorry.

17. If you have parakeets do NOT put them in a room where you may chit-chat with company. If they are of the same sex they will sing and screech over the conversation, if they are male and female...well...lets just say budgie porn isn't always a good way to drum up conversation.

18. Befriend a Scotsman. Your liver might not thank you, but the stories you'll hear and the laughs you'll have will be well worth the jaundice.

19. Never look underneath your table top. You really don't want to know.

20. A riding crop hanging next to the front door (if you don't own a horse) sparks many interesting conversations.

There you go! Enjoy your day, I know I have :)

5 comments:

TeresaR said...

Awww, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR STACE!!! May your humor never go away. May you keep your blog forever just to entertain me, if nothing else. May you have an incredible year, with each successive year be better and better! Big hugs!!

(Sh*t...I can't believe you're that young...LOL!)

Firefly mom said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Hope you had a great day, and hope you learn even more this year ;D

2. Or, a pipe will burst in such a place that you have to shut the water off to the entire house.

6. Oh, I totally agree! Now that I think about it, maybe males should just steer clear of white. Period.

12. You said it, sister!

16. They will eat out of the container before they'll wash a dish! Or maybe that's just at my house :P

20. Hehe - dare I ask??

Stace said...

Thanks for the Bday wishes :) It was a good day.
FFM...I completely forgot about the burst pipe...I probably should have put some plumbing or heating (our furnace died in the middle of winter when Mike was in Iraq) reference in there as well...you are so right.

Teresa...Young??? My brain would disagree...I forgot where I put my coffee cup this morning and realized It was sitting right next to me..in plain sight...maybe Im skipping middle age altogether..LOL

Gayle said...

Happy Birthday yesterday! (I'm always a day late and a dollar short). Very funny post. It's amazing the things we learn over the years - the hard way - and our kids still won't listen to us. It shall be entertaining to watch them grow up.

Firefly mom said...

I can sympathize with the coffee cup thing - I actually spent several minutes looking for my pen the other day *which was in my hand*

I know...so sad ;)